My name is Rita. I grew up in a tiny little town in the heart of New York state. Far far away from any city, I spent my days as a child playing outside. In the stream, or out by the trees, nature was my playground. I knew from early on of the magic of this world; as most children do, but for me, that magic, was my everything. That magic, was my comfort blanket.
My friends and I often spoke of this magic, of the magical creatures living around us all the days. We would build these creatures houses out of sticks and moss and stones, and invite them to play with us from time to time. They were our collective imaginary friends who were always a thought away to play with us, heal us, or comfort us in times of stress. We held onto these magical thoughts for many years. Every time we met, that is what we would discuss! Alas, I can still remember the day we ended our favorite past time. How all the magic seemed to leave the room all at once like a big gust of wind had just blown through the window, pushing it all away. I felt crushed.
As I aged, the magic of life stayed at bay for many years; as it does for many adolescents. But I always had so many questions about life, the biggest one being “Why?” “How?” “Is there meaning to all of this?” “Is there more then meets the eye?” Around the age of 16, I really began to want more answers, and started to take control of my own life (again, like most people when they are this age!) But for me, it was my greatest passion; to wonder.
It was around this time I started journaling seriously. I had my paperback notebook, and my internet blog…or 2 or 3. To me, these were tools in order for me to find more and more answers. Exploring my own mind with writing; was like diving into the ocean. It was vast and colorful, and deep. I could go back to known places, and marvel at the familar, or I could go a bit deeper and find unexplored territory. It was endless.
And whenever I would have a question, I would look it up, and take notes. I’ve always had so many questions. I felt like a blank slate! And the answers I was searching for, were not an everyday kind of topic. It seemed like a lot of the people I knew in my life, were not “wasting their time with such thoughts.”
“A waste of time?” I laughed, for nothing made my heart sing louder then understanding a little bit more.
And what is it I was understanding? Well, I came to realize it what MY meaning of life, MY purpose, because I’m not sure if there is an absolute answer to that question, a “one size fits all.” And I’m still looking to understand it all better, I hope I never stop.
I’ve always referred to myself as a seeker. And a couple of years ago, a youtube channel came out called, “Seeker.” And it fulfilled my meaning of the word to a “T”. It is a channel dedicated to digging deeper into stories and exposing the truth, sharing true life stories of heroes and amazing people and places. I got a symbol they used in many of their earlier videos tattooed on my ankle, not because I am advertising for their website (I doubt anyone knows what my tattoo is when they look at it even if they know of the youtube channel), but because it was a simple symbol that conveyed just the right meaning. It reminds me to never stop seeking to understand.
And through my research I have found great meaning and great beauty in this world. I freed myself from mother culture’s reins and choose a less conventional life. I don’t think I am exaggerating when I say I am misunderstood by most. This used to bother me, but it doesn’t anymore. I know now not to waste my energy on such thoughts. And who knows, maybe those who “don’t get me” just might one day. But if not, at least I did my part.
This blog is my story, told in a round about way. Of how I came to be the woman I am not yet.